The Illustrious Life and Times of PJ Talukdar

It was a dark and stormy night. I stood in the deserted hotel corridor, watching the black velvet of the night sky being ripped apart by jagged bolts of lightning. It was silent, except for the rhythmic drumming of raindrops on the concrete and the occasional rumbling of distant thunder. But then, that formed part of the silence. I contemplated the savage anger of the elements, wondering what lay in store for me the next day. I stood on the threshold of a new phase of my life, knowing not what awaited me yonder.

The door next to ours crashed open. A short, wiry guy with close-cropped hair that gave an impression (entirely justified) of imminent baldness stepped out. I could hear his mother calling after him, presumably to stay out of the rain. He stopped short, taken aback to find another person in what he obviously expected to be an empty corridor. Our eyes met for no more than a second, yet I detected a spark of kinship in them. In them, I recognized the same fear that had haunted me lately, that of the unknown. Instinctively, I knew then that here was a fellow NITTian, one of the guys I’d be spending the next four years of my life with. I think he realized it too, for we moved towards each other almost at the same time. Introductions were made, and the first hesitant steps that marked the beginning of a beautiful acquaintanceship (you know, the hello-hello kind) that would last the whole of first year were taken. However, his parting line was one that I won’t forget in a hurry: You teach me organic chemistry and I’ll teach you inorganic chemistry, ok? I bit my tongue, gurgled a goodnight, and staggered back to my room, holding my sides.

As with most of my branchmates, I got to know him better only in second year, when we entered the department. However, our mutual friends tell me that he was quite a colourful character back then too. Apparently, he was a major favourite with the seniors. After every ragging session, or call, as we call it here, he would come back, face swollen and cursing all the seniors, swearing he’d see them all buried alive if they ever crossed his path in Guwahati (I quote him verbatim). Needless to say, his threats never materialized; he was all sweetness and light when they did cross his path in Guwahati.

It was in second year, of course, after we entered the department that our acquaintanceship bloomed into a lifelong friendship. Indeed, it really does warm the hackles (?) of my heart when he says, “You’re my beeesht friend in the whoooole universh”, after consuming three large measures of McDowell’s finest. However, enough about our relationship. Suffice to say that it is based on a system of mutual give and take of money, photocopies and fundae regarding life, human nature and women. I shall tell you more about the man himself now.

Following are the qualities that make Pranab Jyoti Talukdar worth the effort of writing this post:

1.) The money he paid me.
2.) His deep understanding of relationships, especially with his cell phone, which has made him particularly well known among the girls (admittedly very, very few) of our college.
3.) His fundae regarding women and how to go about pataofying them. For example, “When you are in the process of wooing a specimen of the female species, the best way to gauge her interest in you is to praise another girl in front of her. If she displays an inclination to stab you through the cheek with her spiked heel, then you’re on solid ground.” More like in solid ground, if you ask me.
4.) Entertainment value in the class. For example, we played this game (which he invented) in the class once. You start with a word, and go on adding words/phrases in turn to make logical sentences until you can no longer think of anything more. Here’s an example:
Sex.
Avoid sex.
Avoid sex with animals.
Avoid sex with animals and PJ Talukdar.
This is when he hit me and I cried out in agony, anguish et al. and the lecturer busted us.
5.) The money he paid me. I did say I was turning this into a franchise.

Yenyway. It is time I said some nice things about him and wound up. Well, the dude is, if nothing else, intensely human. That's it. Ta-ta and toodle-oo.

Author's Note: This was NOT easy to write. Vaira and Yoga were stereotypes, so it was much easier to write about them. Thing is, this dude happens to be a really good friend of mine, and it is not easy to go all sarcastic about someone who is like you in a lot of ways. Besides, a lot of the jokes are something of inside jokes, stuff that would probably be appreciated more if you knew the guy. But I absolutely love that first paragraph, so I absolutely had to post it. I hope you guys enjoy reading it.