Monday, March 13, 2006

Globalization and the Modern Indian Woman

or

Revenge of the Flying Panda

There were bodies strewn all around the clearing. Not all were covered with blood, though. Some were totally unmarked, if one discounted the faces contorted in agony. Somehow, though, they told of greater suffering.

He stood at the edge of the moonlit meadow. It was a beautiful night. His gaze swept the clearing, resting for a moment on each fallen warrior, allowing himself the slightest glint of satisfaction at each pause. For a moment, however, sadness nearly overwhelmed him at what he had done, at the havoc he had wrought upon this once peaceful glade. Yet, in spite of all this, he sensed a strange sense of peace about the surroundings, as if what had happened, all the death and destruction, was not wrong. Yes, he told himself, that was it. The sense of inevitability. That brought the peace. That might explain, he realized, as to why they understood. Maybe they lived by the same rules too.

He shook his head, as if to clear his thoughts. There was still work to be done, one final obstacle to be overcome. The answers would come later. However, this much he knew for sure: there was honour in this.

                                                     * * *

“How did you get away?”

“I hid behind a bush.”

“And they didn’t find you?”

“I am not without training. And my teachers were the best; all of them Pan-SAS.”

“Not good enough. The Reds were better.”

“No! They were the best. But we didn’t expect treachery. At least, not direct contravention of the Convention.”

The older one turned away, disgusted. “They are Reds.” Venom in every syllable. “You were naïve.”

When he spoke again, it was in a softer tone. “You saw it, didn’t you?”

The younger one looked up, eyes burning. “Everything.”

“Describe it to me. Every single detail. Leave out nothing.”

“My parents didn’t scream at first, you know. But the shoots, they were too long. That was what defeated them. And they couldn’t stop, once they started screaming. The Reds didn’t stop even after it was clear that they were dead, and could no longer feel pain. Every inch, relentlessly. Sometimes I wonder if they were aware that I was watching.”

“What of your twin?”

“I don’t know.” He shrugged, beyond pain now. “I suppose they killed him as well.”

“They took him. They made a mistake; do you understand that? It was you they wanted. They took the wrong twin.”

“I don’t understand you.”

“How do you think I found you?” He smiled, and tapped his nose. “You fart mightily, boy.”

Incredulous now. “You don’t mean-? The prophecies? Us?”

The older one said nothing. He merely smiled again.

                                                     * * *

“What do you think?”

“I have taught you all I know. You are a worthy student, in that you have interpreted what you have learnt in the light of your ability and experience, and not merely accepted and understood. You have surpassed me in skill, as every successful disciple must. You have watched Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon, and can now jump over and around bamboo shoots at will, like a bleeding chimp. You have read Hitchhiker’s, and mastered flying from it, with my guidance. Maybe someday you shall have a hot she-panda cavorting in the air with you too, like Arthur Dent did. You have read Lynne Truss (a champion of our cause), and as a result, you are more than proficient in the exquisite art of punctuation.”

“Will that be enough? Against him?”

He was silent for quite some time, choosing his next words with care.

“I do not know what will happen. It is good that you have doubts, for it never pays to make assumptions, especially in cases like these. But I have noticed this in you: you have passion for your art. Your art is an end in itself for you, even though you use it to seek vengeance. I have seen it in the way you move when you practice, in the way your eyes light up when you talk of it. The Reds have no use for such passion. It is a mere tool for them, a mighty weapon in their quest for power. They have desire. You have passion. That might make the ultimate difference.”

                                                     * * *

The waiting had come to an end. He could see him approaching.

“Psmith.”

“Mr. Panderson. Surprised to see me?”

He took a step backward, reeling from the shock. He didn’t know! He had no idea as to the true identity of his adversary!

He took a deep breath. So be it, then.

“No. Not really.”

“Your death is inevitable, Mr. Panderson”.

His hand tightened over the shoot. “My name is Pneo.”



Author's Note: This is exactly the kind of corny, completely over the top stuff (I can't bring myself to call it crap) that I'm crazy about, in print and on the screen (I'm talking The Matrix, Kill Bill Vol.2, the Dune Chronicles and stuff like that). I had amazing fun writing it. Please bear with my indulgences, Gentle Reader. And Pushkar, my friend, I hope I have not disappointed you. The Panda deserves better, I know.
However, this much I know for sure: there was honour in this.
;)

32 Comments:

At 11:25 PM, Blogger Camphor said...

Globalisation!
Mordern Indian Woman!

*dies*

You did that on purpose!! Didn't you? (of course the title has to be "on purpose". lol)

Link it to blanknoise, and then give it a title like that, man, but kya ARBIT title diya hai...

Such a pity it was Ptrinity then.. :)
And it is decent, good even. Stop apologising for it.

And yippie! *fingers crossed* First!!!

 
At 11:29 PM, Blogger S m i t h a said...

:) funny
is there more parts to come?

 
At 2:02 AM, Blogger Ashmi said...

why name it weird?intentional?sarci as it sounds and weird as you say it is , i couldn't make much sense of it:(.....nontheless thank god this time you paid your ,as you say*honour*, for a change....hope next time it will be a slightly less complicated tha it is this time for innocent creatures like me to interpret it better;-)

 
At 3:42 AM, Blogger Akanksha said...

it started out really well and then u sort of lost it along the way.. dnt try to b funny U R.. dnt try.. just B

 
At 8:53 AM, Blogger aria said...

To be honest .. I was lost .. heh!
Interesting stuff ..

 
At 10:49 AM, Blogger Srihari said...

hmmmmm?

 
At 11:10 PM, Blogger The Individualist said...

Yeah exactly. No reason to be trying to justifying it... Your attempt was perfectly justified in the first place.... :D

 
At 10:34 PM, Blogger ladyparadox said...

HOLY SHITE, BATMAN! where did that come from?

 
At 10:57 PM, Blogger The Individualist said...

By the way, why did you stop there? More writing on it would have made for such a delicious read. :D I love these....

 
At 7:13 AM, Blogger Pushuka said...

I can see the panda has arrived!! and judging by your audience's reaction, in some style too... there definitely was honor in that.. I'm proud of you, dude!! :)

 
At 4:49 AM, Blogger Phoenix Rises said...

The title was supposed to be misleading I assume. Good story!!

Psmith, Mr. Panderson, Pneo!!!!!!!! LOL!!!!!!! That was too good!

I'm a sucker for this fantasy sci-fi kinda stuff too. Matrix is a one of a kind! I haven't seen Kill Bill vol. 2, but I'm one of the very few people I know who has loved vol. 1!!

"You have watched Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon...you are more than proficient in the exquisite art of punctuation." ----- that was just hilarious!!!!! :))

 
At 11:52 AM, Blogger A Hairy Snail said...

LOL. Amazing stuff! Don't apologize! The greatest form of respect is borrowing ideas. ;D

Is Panda going to make the much awaited return soon?

 
At 10:41 PM, Blogger vibha said...

pretty misleading title. nice post :)

 
At 6:56 AM, Blogger udit said...

whoa whoa whoa, the title is ummm interesting, or hilarious or whacky, i can't really pin it down.
the post is damn interesting, it's amazing to read a mixture of the favourites. the best part- u have watched CTHD plenty of times and can jump around bamboo poles like a bleeding chimp. hahahahaaaa
and somehow, the Matrix just doesn't lose its charm.
how about a second part, with the whole star wars katha, with some hindi soap and idol shows thrown in.

 
At 12:37 AM, Blogger Incognito said...

The what and the what woman? :)

Pneo : I'm the one

Pageant Psmith : So what, I am the two, now three, now ten, now million :)

I liked how you started your take..

Is there a Patrix II coming up?

 
At 1:18 PM, Blogger Wriju said...

I love corny stuff like that :-) I bet you like the Star Wars, Indiana Jones and Chronicles of Riddick too... Would Harry Potter also qualify?

 
At 5:16 AM, Blogger J. Alfred Prufrock said...

Nice.
Could be better with editing, perhaps?
More thick and fast, a la Monty Python?

J.A.P.

 
At 7:24 AM, Blogger the One said...

Rollicking stuff, comrade. You've got to do these more often.

P.S. Don't know if you've seen the Underworld films .. right up your alley, and potential blog fodder.

 
At 7:46 AM, Blogger Cynthia E. Bagley said...

I see that you have a future on the screen or books if you prefer. ;-) Maybe a little extra pocket money...

 
At 12:30 PM, Blogger Heena ... said...

Will not repeat 'the misleading title' part.

Will repeat the 'hilarious post' part.

[Corny much?]
- Heena

 
At 9:03 AM, Blogger Yashita said...

ok, I have to admit...I didnt undertsand this one...I think I'll have to read it once more atleast,or so I hope!!

 
At 11:02 AM, Blogger Neha said...

still trying to make sense of it all!! ;)
kept me interested enuf to read the whole of it and try and find out how it ends though! so u didnt do too bad a job..lol.

 
At 5:06 PM, Blogger Speech is Golden said...

Hey Monk! You have some talent there (Maybe it comes from watching Kill Bill and Matrix kinda movies a lot many times) but for a moment I was thinking you were quoting from some movie that has jus released.

btw, thnx for visiting my blog n i hope u frequent it

 
At 10:34 PM, Blogger Dreamcatcher said...

:D.Make it snappier - will be a joy to read.
Me want part two, me want part two.
Encore?

 
At 6:04 AM, Blogger Diana said...

ur post was confusing initially bt then edit it..make it more crisp and it will b a lot interesting

 
At 8:25 AM, Blogger nomadicspirit said...

Eeeps! 1st thing i see is Di's comment...please do NOT edit ze post!

Thank you

Askin' for more of same...

agreein' with phoenixrises...

"You have watched Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon.....you are more than proficient in the exquisite art of punctuation." ---> died laughin' at that bt went to heaven:-)

 
At 8:25 PM, Blogger Shrutz said...

OH my GOD!!! =))
Pneo. =))
Clutching my tummy :D

 
At 10:17 AM, Blogger nandini said...

maybe like all good stories in this genre there's a sequel coming up?

 
At 3:14 AM, Blogger The Individualist said...

HELLO??? Where are THE sequels?

 
At 10:30 PM, Blogger ~*. D E E P A .* ~ said...

Well ...
i'll wait for the sequels and comment then ..

and ur chronicles with rock is just what happens to so many ppl ... i am in love w/ LP ... but backstreet boys also find a place ...

poor mom !! little does she know what u r upto at college :)))

 
At 11:52 PM, Blogger Kaushik said...

Verry nice! Didn't get the gist of it till I read the CTHD part.

Can't think of a better title here than Revenge of the Flying Pandas!

Hey, go to howstuffworks.com and check out their detailed analysis of Superman vs Darth Vader vs Neo etc. Good fun :)

 
At 4:54 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

i reallllyyyyy did'nt understand
and besides,
i can write way better then you.

like..it was okay.

 

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