Saturday, March 25, 2006

In Which the Monk is Punctured, Literally

I can't sit for long, still or otherwise. Oh, I am no bundle of energy, nor am I a more-than-a-stick-but-less-than-a-club of dynamite. Friends and family will testify to that. I am happiest when horizontal, preferably with a good book, music (no, NOT Boyzone) and peanuts. I am nuts about nuts. However, I enjoy sports, and I'm always game for shooting a few hoops or showing somebody how to play that immaculate cover drive (in theory, of course). My mother has risked many a heart attack and burst blood vessel in screaming at me to get off the bed and make it, for God's sake, or you won't get breakfast. If there is one thing I shall never be accused of being, it is of being a pint-sized dynamite. I mean, there's no way I'll ever be called pint-sized.

Really, I delude myself. Sometimes I can make small talk.

Well, the reason I can't sit in one place for long is because there's this small hole in my lower back. And it hurts when I put pressure on it. It's been put there because there was something near my tailbone that had to come out. Nothing major, I assure you, but still, it's surgery. My first one, too. Now I'll finally have that scar I always wanted. Unfortunately, not one that I acquired in a battle to the death, and neither is it suitably located, but what the hell, it's a scar. I now have the right to nod gravely and say, yes, I have gone under the knife.

I think there was a point in telling you guys all of this. Yeah, now I remember. See, this is the reason why I haven't been able to post regularly. I mean, it is slightly inconvenient to type lying down, and even that is bad for my back, apparently. And I seem to have completely lost the ability to write in the traditional way. Except in the case of exams, of course. Believe me, there's nothing like impending doom to get the creative juices flowing. I'm particularly proud of this definition I cooked up for Statistical Quality Control in the last cycle test. I used words/phrases like mathematical device, suboptimal parameters and evaluate, and I got full marks. Maybe I should get into management.

You'd think going under the knife would generate some sympathy, at least at home. My mom actually laughed out loud when I broke the news to her. "Just above your butt, did you say?", she said, and went back to doing the ha-has. I informed her, quite coldly, that I saw no cause for such mirth, and would she kindly tell me which part she found funny, so that I could join in. As usual, my sarcasm was lost on her. She continued rolling. Things got better after the first dressing, though, which was a couple of days back. It was pretty bad, and I came close to screaming the place down. She was with me, and was ready with words of comfort to soothe the fevered brow. I even got an extra slab of Hershey's (strictly rationed, and viciously fought over), much to the annoyance of my sister.

She's a hopeless case, though. She doesn't seem to care in the least. Oh look, I feel a small poem coming on, that might illustrate my point more effectively. Here goes:

Be a dear, I said, and fetch me some water,
Be my ministering angel, aur meri seva kar.
Ho hum, she yawned, you're not in pain,
Ab nautanki band kar, it's all in vain.
But tell me this, brother o' mine,
My new look, will it make men pine?

I gave her a fairly graphic description of what she could do with her new look.

My Dad was completely unperturbed, once he learnt that it wasn't anything serious. But then, he's been like that ever since the Central Government Health Scheme took effect. As long as the bill goes directly to NAL (and he doesn't have to see it), he's happy. He informed me excitedly, the moment I came out of the operation theatre, that Tendulkar was the top-scorer in India's disastrous second innings against England. And then he learnt Tendulkar was injured, and that he had to undergo surgery. He was heartbroken, and didn't say much all day. Oh well. Atleast Sachin and I (or is it me?) have something in common now.

So, the point is, I don't know how regularly I'll be able to post, what with this unforeseen calamity having struck me down. Besides, my writing has become a little jaded, methinks. Maybe a break will do me good. However, impending doom might work. And that definitely isn't going to be in short supply anytime soon, what with the semester exams being just around the corner.


P.S. Did I mention, the nurses in Manipal are very pretty? They were so patient with my questions, and I had so many.


At 9:52 AM, Blogger Dewdrop said...

woohoo you had a surgery. Major or minor, all kinda cuts hurt. Im sure you are a man, a bravo with the greatest tolerance level, hence no sympathies from your folks :P

Have a nice refreshing break, take good care of yourself, feel better and give your back and jadeed thoughts some rest. Hope to see you soon.

At 11:26 AM, Blogger Cynthia E. Bagley said...

Oh yea, I had a tumor removed this year too. I was not able to even think for days. LOL. At least it was NOT on my butt...

I know... no laughing. (giggle)
And, what is it with men and honor scars... (I have four Vikings--over 6 ft. tall brothers... and they are the same way.)

At 8:01 PM, Blogger dazedandconfused said...

hey monk

thanks for stopping by. You write well and I loved your poem :)

My last scar was when I was five. Ran into a wall (I WAS a pint sized dynamite THEN)and got 5 stitches on my forehead. Of course, nobody could see the scar till I was 25 when my hairline started receding. Sigh.

Hmmm...Maybe I should get a tattoo. What do u think?

At 9:57 PM, Blogger Incognito said...

Hope you are fine. Now you can proudly acclaim, sitting on pins and needles. Butt, does it hurt :P

Ok. I'll shut up.

There's an interesting point that u got there. About sachin and I(me). I had this discussion just two days ago with my friend.

And I came across this:

Anyways, nice poem.

Take care :)

At 11:54 PM, Anonymous nenlos said...

Surgery ho gaya, butt kya farak padta hai??
Now you can say, I lay on my butt and had a nut, butt i felt no pain.

'Me' cannot be the subject, so it is 'I' (methinks ;) )

At 11:54 AM, Blogger Dreamcatcher said...

I always wanted to be in a hospital someday however weird that may sound.
tc and good luck for the eggjams.
p.s. you dont sound like you're particularly in pain :P maybe that's why the family is not taking you seriously.

At 1:29 PM, Blogger Jayanth Madhav Barki said...

Besides, my writing has become a little jaded, methinks

Methinks otherwise!!

Anyway! Get well soon mac. :)

At 2:00 PM, Blogger nomadicspirit said...

pint sized dynamite...LOL!

Sarcasm is soooo lost on parents...innit?

my mum always tries soooo hard to be "cool"...hehe.... my attempts to explain to her tht evn that is uncool, r LOST on 'er...end up as wasted efforts.Shez a sweetie tho :-)

jaded thoughts?? nawww

'ope 2 cya back in action soon...mebe wth a Psequel, eh? :)

At 9:33 PM, Blogger Srihari said...

Hope you're recovering well. Take care, these back problems are such a nightmare!

At 9:51 PM, Blogger shakester said...

truey- small or big, a back surgery better be taken care of. You need to be for for those cover drives:)

At 6:25 AM, Blogger Ellie said...

Was it a tail seed itchin to come out?? :-p

A couple of months ago me too had a similar yet much simpler problem which could do without the surgery...*sigh* and I had to forego the pleasures of askin the cute docs of Lilavati any questions!

And yea...I know...its such a pain in *the-you-know-where*...

Take care!

At 8:05 AM, Blogger Viewer said...

Wanna see u back in action asap :)

Take are and Get well soon

At 11:53 AM, Blogger Queer said...

What a conicidence...although I might not have had a surgery, I could say I got wounded in the battle..the battle against snow:) Let me c..I have sacral contrusion (bruised tailbone), when I fell on ice while snowboarding.

Cheer up! Hope you feel better very soon and remember to cash in the situation;)

At 4:13 PM, Blogger Sayesha said...

Liked your writing style. Thanks for dropping by my blog.

Get well soon, and get back to posting! :)

At 4:39 AM, Blogger broken heart said...

oh!! Sad to hear that
hope u get well soon

At 4:43 AM, Blogger Harashita R. R. Bajaj said...

hey hope u get well soon....

At 9:49 PM, Blogger romantic by twilight said...

well, a perforation in a monk... so much for my absolute trust in you!

At 5:40 AM, Anonymous navneet said...

finally a monk with a puncture...but i am kinda curious...what were they doing just above your butt??

you lost the ability to write in the traditional way eh? never mind i think most of us are pissed of it now.
hope that scar heals fast.

At 11:08 AM, Blogger Phoenix Rises said...

Hey! I had surgery too! But it was an eon ago and it was for appendicitis. I was totally skin and bones after that, but bounced back soon enough, so much so that I was flipping all over my bed with my mother going bonkers fearing that my stitches would rip open!! LOL!!
Well, anyway get well soon. I do remember how painful every inch of your body feels after surgery! Ouch!

At 9:43 AM, Blogger Anjali said...

A hole in the back sounds quite romantic, actually, if you don't go into details about its precise location. Could be straight out of a Western.

Hope you have a quick recovery, and don't take too long a break :)

At 11:15 AM, Blogger San said...

been a while since i stopped by

hope you are doing well, take care

At 11:00 PM, Blogger ~*. D E E P A .* ~ said...

heh heh :))))

at least the monk gets the attention of the pretty ladies :)))

look at it .. all to ur advantage .. if u had got ur folks' sympathy , would u be able to get the nurses' ????

At 9:51 AM, Blogger xtremely_insane said...

hehe atleast u wrote this blog!!
and cute lil poem that one ;)
wait-pretty nurses??why the heck do u complain then??

At 4:57 AM, Blogger S m i t h a said...

get well soon man.. and dont take too long a break.

At 4:32 PM, Blogger psychacid said...

Neat blog.

At 8:05 PM, Blogger Shiv said...

Looks like u r enjoyin/enjoyed a nice break with the pretty things in the hospital :))

how r u doin now?
relax,rejuvenate & return with more stories..

Take care

At 5:16 AM, Blogger Shy said...

My first scar was a month ago. I fell down, face first. nearly put stitches. then decided they would put histoacryl, sume gluey thing which sticks the skin together. near my eyebrow. Get well soon fast. and ur writing is not jaded getting better and better by leaps and bounds. take a break, chill and feel better.


At 4:08 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thanks for visiting! and get well soon :).

BTW thank goodness you graduated to GnR and Metallica! What about Scorpions?

At 4:12 AM, Blogger Twilight Fairy said...

oops..the anon was me..and BTW I liked that pome too.. had a habit of churning out limericks in college.

At 2:21 PM, Blogger Deepali said...

I see others have made you the butt of jokes so let me refrain from such pjs :P

Hope you feel a bit more of a dynamite soon and that poem got me chuckling =)

At 2:25 PM, Blogger Deepali said...

p.s. blogrolled you- the backbench incident was needless to say, a very amusing read :P

At 2:20 AM, Anonymous dee iyer said...

a dee posted before me ..
but im a deeeee tooooo!

At 4:20 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Something near your tailbone had to be extracted and youthinks your writing has become a little jaded... Hmm.. Know what that reminds me of? The infamous third nipple incident from Friends.

Course in your case, whatever was taken out of you could not have been the source of all your wisdom and humor, could it?

Sounds a li'l fishy... you should definitely check into it.

P.S --> To quote a Chandler... "COuld the poem ... be any funnier?"

At 5:28 AM, Blogger Guruprasad Kini (Guru) said...

Dude, long time indeed. Still catching up with your recent posts.
Talking about getting stiched up - I had the thrill only once when I broke a test tube in my hand during a school chemistry lab, some 530 years ago. I was trying to instigate the other classmates to start protesting against the poor quality of test tubes school provided. I was the first and only test tube casualty in the school.
And ah, the sweet nurses of Manipal. I strongly recommend a tour to the Engineering campus as well for more eye candy. There were a handful of PYTs during our days, but I guess the current lot should be more glamourous.
How did you land up in Manipal???
Anyway, get well soon...

At 12:56 PM, Blogger Neha said...

oopsie doopsie! someone's in the hospital! get well soon buddy :)
take care.. don;t stare too much at the nurses ;)

At 6:37 AM, Anonymous Alex said...

Hell this sure is an interesting coincidence!

Yours truly too is just recovering from a wierd infection that latched onto my spine!

Althoug in my case i ended up being the pampered baby haha!

Get well soon dude@

At 8:51 AM, Blogger Weary Hag said...

wI am SO sorry you had to undergo surgery, but I'm also very proud of you for your cheerful attitude about it. Yes. It is nice to have the "battle wound" (scar) to show for this.

I really enjoyed reading you story about how those around you reacted (or didn't react) to your plight.

Maybe what you need to do is employ one of those pretty nurses full-time to dish out a little tender loving care to you.

I'm glad this wasn't more serious than it was.

Feel better, my friend!

At 10:47 PM, Blogger nandini said...

Sorry to here about your surgery, and get well soon! Your attitude towards the whole thing is great though!

At 10:04 AM, Blogger Ketaki said...

lol! i'm sorry i meant awww...

ahem! well i feel ur pain (altho not literally) im a person who loves to talk and hell, whn i underwent gum surgery(and yes they can actually put ur gum under the knife too!) i couldnt talk!! those were my darkest days yet :(

ah well, get well soon and hope to read more of ur stuff :)

At 4:14 PM, Blogger psychacid said...

Like i said....neat blog.

At 8:19 AM, Blogger Incognito said...

Hope you are fine now.

At 1:05 PM, Blogger Weary Hag said...

Just stopping in again to say I hope you're healing up quickly and can get back to posting soon! You are missed.

At 12:49 PM, Blogger Maya Cassis said...

lol...yeah the nurses in manipal are damn pretty:)

At 2:07 AM, Blogger Siri said...

methinks this is ur best yet :)...lovely post
and yeah i knw abt manipal nurses being good looking...i happen to live in that area and you might've a good idea what effect they have even when walking on the streets...they've only recently been dethroned by the kingfisher air hostesses ;)
oh yeah...and get well soon

At 2:12 AM, Anonymous rk said...

dude ... u gettin all types of sympathies for the hole i see.... well i think all these ppl should have been in my place when i was sittin rite next to u in class n u were giving out the details of ur BUTT .. to the guy next to me .. trust me ppl .. its

At 5:44 AM, Blogger The Individualist said...

lol @ the title.
Nurses being impressive. Ahem. Are you sure that the opinion is what it is only because they were patient? :p
Damn. I don't have any scars. *gulps
I mean, not that I want one. But it'd be impressive to have one on. :p
Feel good post @ the cost of sounding like a sadist.
Really. Felt good that you are taking it all in gaiety.

At 4:43 AM, Blogger Neha said...

heyy!! reading ur blog after a long long time...hope u are better by now!!!

At 1:20 AM, Anonymous Used Laboratory Equipment For Sale said...

Get well soon dear. Accidents and sickness is the part of life. I wish you recover faster. All the best.



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