Monday, May 08, 2006

Impure Lumps of Carbon and Water

~I have good news, and I have bad news. Either can be interpreted as the other. I'll tell you what I think is the good news first. Well, the good news is, I'm (w)hole again, which means I can get back to monopolizing the computer for long hours at a stretch, much to the irritation of all at home. This also means that I can get back to doing some (hopefully) meaningful posts, full of profound insights that alter your outlook on life even as you read them. There, I did say that it can be taken either way.

If you paid close attention to the above paragraph (if you hadn't, please do, or you'll miss the profound insights), you would have noticed that I said at home. Yup, I'm back in Bangalore, and I'm lovin' it. Trichy was hotter than ever this summer, and it wasn't pleasant, having to mug definitions that only got more incomprehensible with every exam. The guy who said that engineering was all about using your imagination to solve cutting edge technological problems obviously hadn't done a course on Quality, Reliability and Maintenance. After this semester, all I've learnt is to use my imagination to adapt one definiton for a minimum of eight different terms. And, to top it all off, I had to deal with the trauma of having gone under the knife. Yes, I suffered.

Now for the bad news: there is no scar. I feel cheated.

~Well, anyway(s). What is it with this new funda of saying anyways instead of the good old anyway? Everywhere I go, I hear people say anyways (with the requisite American roll, of course). I mean, this is taking things a little too far. Chill, dudes and dudettes, no need to freak. I have no pangas with slang. Yeah, slang is like, totally cool, man. You had slang back when our parents were living the wild life in college, and you have slang now. But, I ask you, anyways? It's plain wrong English. I can totally empathise with Lynne Truss when she says she feels like inflicting physical damage on people who mess up the language and, to add insult to injury, think they're being cool when they do it. It's murder, I say, what they're doing to my beloved English language.

Nd don strt me off on SMS/IM lingo. Wht's da bldy dictnry 4, I ask u?

I need to chill, man, maybe take a time-out, y'know?

~Right. I'm all chilled out now. Onward ho, then.

Yup, that's what we all are, impure lumps of carbon and water, with an affinity for green paper. ;)

~Another semester's come and gone. We're final years now, the Lord Gods of the campus. First years tremble when they cross our paths, the second years still address us as aap and the third years, in spite of all the abuse they heap on us, still listen to us when we give fundas.

On a totally unrelated note: Listen well, all you disillusioned second years out there, for 'tis the Monk who speaks now, and no common preacher. Do not worry, for enlightenment generally dawns in the third year, when you get single rooms. Use the solitude well.

Three years have passed so bloody quickly. And it's been an amazing three years. I have grown and learnt more in these three years than in any another period so far. If today, I am more or less happy with the kind of person I have become (oh, there are many more miles to go, but the journey is well begun, I think), I owe it in no small measure to this college, to this culture. Sometimes I wonder what I'll do when I get back to civilization.

Author's Note: To all you disillusioned second years: I am, of course, making broad, sweeping generalizations without any logical basis. Still, do not disregard my words, for 'tis the Monk who speaks here, and no common preacher. ;)


At 10:50 PM, Blogger Incognito said...

Hey me first!

No scar hmmm :( After all that ooh's and aah's under the knife! Chalega.
Never lose faith, there is always next time.. :D

At 10:50 PM, Anonymous navneet said...

Lynne Truss would be squirming in her sleep as people adapt more of incomprehensible slang.
Anyway you seem to be the first techie who claims to have actually made some sense out of the education that you've cheers to you.
Oh and no scar...too bad

At 10:52 PM, Blogger Incognito said...

Good to know you are (w)hole again, butt for the scar. :)

At 11:34 PM, Blogger Sayesha said...

//What is it with this new funda of saying anyways instead of the good old anyway?

I LOVE you for bringing this up! I thought I was the only one wondering when the hell did the s get added to plain old 'anyway'??? No one sent me a memo, but everyone's using it! :/

At 2:38 AM, Blogger manuscrypts said...

hehe.. so how've you been anyways ;)

At 4:34 AM, Blogger S said...

lol!!! the monk is back with the preachings a.k.a "the profound insights" to quote you!!! :))

and keep the good form up!! :D

At 5:11 AM, Blogger CB said...

tis xtreemly gud

At 10:10 AM, Blogger Yashita said...

good to see you're back...and now waiting for somemore of your profound insights:)

At 10:18 AM, Blogger Ketaki said...

lol...too bad abt the scar!! welcome back ;)

and if u'll notice... 'later' has also become laters, sometimes with a Z.

At 11:59 AM, Blogger Srihari said...

Good to know you're back again.

Its amazing how the more atrocious the piece of slang is, the more popular it is. In the US, there is slang like "my bad" for my fault, or "whaddup" for what's up, which in its usual form itself sounds quite rude.

At 8:29 PM, Blogger dazedandconfused said...

oh, in my engineering college in dat desert yonder, we had single rooms from the first year...this info is dated by 10 yrs. though...

As for the missing scar, cheer up mate and get a tattoo!

At 11:32 PM, Anonymous rk said...

GOD ... i feel sorry for these ppl ... they don now the monk in real life .. get to know him n u all won't wait for his profound insights as it seems ... dude want a scar ?? .. let me get back i'll make sure u get 1 ..
ANYWAYS hard u 'mofo' u know wht tht means ??? tht is gamers lingo
N it took 3 damn long yrs to know wht engg is all abt ..?? u suck big time .. ;-))

At 1:13 AM, Blogger ~*. D E E P A .* ~ said...

No scar !! Well good ! .... coz what'll u do when u wanna bare parts of ur body ?(in future , probably !!!! )

@spoiling English - am with u , absolutely ... i dislike people (mis / ab)using a language

and anyways is also used as newayz ... !!!!!!

no mobile , so no qn of SMS in my case !


At 8:16 AM, Blogger Siri said...

IM/SMS never did any harm!
Slang? What to do when ur heart pounds and ur insides scream for a more convincing form of expression?There u go!
Engineering, is all abt those nuts and bolts and screwing(them )up...Tho i do agree that it is miserable! i wonder why thousands attempt the "JEE" and other entrance exams each year!..Hey btw, dint u crack the JEE too?niiiice :P
No scar? Whats to worry?Your heart aint in the place where they punctured u out! yea! Being depressed is in these days! DOesnt look like u follow too mch bollywood/hollywood gupshup! tsk tsk

At 10:45 PM, Blogger the Monk said...

@RK: Alright, you @$#&%*, you have finally forced me to break my dignified silence...dekhte hain kahan bachke jaayega, apne hi wing main jo hai..
How, pray, are you planning to give me a scar? a love bite? ;)
And yes, I nkow what 'mofo' means...have you forgotten the number of times I have kicked your ass in Dustworld?
Jitna ukhaad sakta hai, ukhaad le, kuch nahin honewala hai... :))

At 2:15 AM, Blogger Maya Cassis said...

great to see you in action.Keep posting:)

At 8:57 AM, Blogger M (tread softly upon) said...

good to see you back in full swing. Have fun at home!

At 7:15 AM, Blogger Tuhina said...

Ive always used ANYWAY. But some one confused me and i got totally brainwashed and started using ANYWAYS... so much to it when you start thinking slang is the right way...

At 11:54 AM, Blogger Neha said...

It's good to see the Monk back in full form :)
No scar!! ohhhh too bad :P

now who started this anyways thing i wonder..

At 12:12 AM, Blogger Jayanth Madhav Barki said...

Thank you! Could SO relate to this post.

newayz sux big tym ;)

At 10:11 AM, Blogger Ellie said...

no scar for u too???:o that's indeed sad! My 'ass'assination however left me in no position to judge if I could get one...or even if I did I could flaunt one!! ;)

When's the placement season beginning??

At 12:07 AM, Blogger hope and love said...

nice to see u back.. trichy heat must have been terrible..

At 10:43 AM, Blogger Thetis said...

Good to read you again :)

At 6:44 AM, Blogger nomadicspirit said...

"My bad" esp. is loathsome...yuck! Most distressing is how resistant and insidious such language is...most of these words have seeped into mass and daily usage.

@ Camphor: Couldn't agree more..."SMSes"...huh!

At 6:26 PM, Blogger nandini said...

Ooooh! THat ;anyways' bugs me too! As for the scar... no prob just use a red sketch..ot a bandaid for now ;)

At 10:06 PM, Blogger Heena ... said...

Hey dude,

Why the 'mop'? SMS lnguage is usd 2 sve tym n effrt. Nthng prsnal agnst Lynn Trss.

'Anywayz' sounds much more atrocious with the 'z' no?

It's brilliant, today's slang, everybody ends up getting called 'Boss'. How self-assuring for them.

[I luv Slang. Mumbaiyya rocks.]
- Heena

At 12:20 PM, Blogger Phoenix Rises said...

Scar no scar. What's the diff? You can actually get a scar tatooed if you feel that bad! :))

At 4:55 AM, Blogger Neha said...

Sermons from The Monk?? But don forget guruju, that eventually u will have to come back to this civilization, dharti par tou aana hi parega, tab siddhi praapt hogi....bolo monk ji ki jai!

At 7:27 AM, Anonymous nenlos said...

*wishes to give The Monk a pat on the back for speaking against SMS lingo*

Since your blog is under no copyright laws, I think I can flick your idea and rant about this cursed rape of the English language. Will post soon, I guess.

At 4:13 AM, Blogger Sushma said...

That was a good post. The "SMS lingo" gets on my nerves at times. I mean, how are we supposed to know gn means good night and things of such sort?
This is indeed a great idea for my blog too, though, let me try and put it up in a different way..(assuming you haven't patented it yet (wink))
Anyway(s), keep up the good work!

At 12:26 AM, Blogger Shy said...

yup..sms lingo ds gve m a hdache. See didnt that give u one headache ? ;-)... your blog is looking better than ever. HAha no scar, I've got one on my everybrow.. cool do drop in to my blog updates,changed, switched to beta


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