Saturday, November 26, 2005

Winter Warblings or What's in a Name

>Winter’s hit Trichy. Atleast, as close to winter as it’ll ever be in this dustbowl of a town. This basically means the temperature hovers around 20 deg. Celsius. Perfect, weather-wise. That is, perfect for sleeping in on cool mornings, warmly tucked up. Definitely not perfect if your semester exams happen to start from the next week. It’s high time I switch to exam mode. And so, naturally, here I am.

Winter’s also a time when old records are broken and legends are created. Arch-rivals accost each other in the corridors with a belligerent “When was your last?” Finally, on the fateful day when all else have succumbed to temptation, the champion walks his ceremonial walk down the corridor. And as he makes his lonely way down the seemingly endless corridor, towel slung across his shoulder and bucket in hand, people come out of their rooms to watch; for it is not every day that you get to see history in the making. Cameras click away for all of posterity to see. And they ask each other in awed whispers, “When was his last?”

>I set out to clean my room today. It turned out to be a journey of real self-discovery for me. Muscles that I didn’t even know existed protested their now painful existence. I gave up after a strange-looking lizard decided to join me in my self-exploration. Now I know more about myself than I ever wanted to. Later, I got a couple of first-years to do it for me. And I had a good laugh when my friendly neighbourhood lizard abandoned me for them. Ah, the little joys of being a senior…..

>I don’t like this funda of parents naming their children. I mean, we should get to choose our own names. Hell, we are the ones who have to live with them for the rest of our lives, and if we’re lucky(?), after we’re dead too. I have no issues with my first name, but it would’ve been so much cooler if my last name was Xavier. I could call myself Varun X then. I have even booked train tickets in that name.

>Similarly, houses. When I build a house, I’m going to call it something almost untenably cool, like the Eyrie, or Eagle’s Lair, or something like that (though both more or less mean the same). How I wish my parents had listened to me. But no, it had to be Srivatsa.

>In the folly of my misguided youth, I thought that cool user IDs would attract girls and that when I was done chatting with them, you’d have to peel them off me to let me breathe. Ergo (no wonder the Architect used it so many times, I feel all superior after using it), I acquired IDs like white_fang01in (my Yahoo ID, which I still have to use) and evil_incorporated2001 (my MSN ID, which I no longer use). Now I’m stuck with them.

Of course, now I blog. And I call myself the Monk.

Still, White Fang. Jeez.

>Again, I don’t understand why people give such inane names to their dogs; like Tommy, Jimmy or Pinky. Unless, of course, you're naming them after somebody, like a sibling or your boss or someone like that. Now, if I had a dog, I’d call it Xtreme Prejudice. XP for short. I mean, the possiblities are endless. For example, when I meet a male acquaintance (M.A.) while walking my dog:
M.A.: Hi! Walking your dog?
Me (coldly): What does it look like?
M.A. (smiling deprecatingly): Oh, sorry. Of course. Nice dog, though. What’s his name?
Me: I call him XP.
M.A.: XP? Why, does he crash just as often?
Me (in a soft, yet menacing tone that’d send chills down his spine; if only he’d had one): No. XP, as in Xtreme Prejudice.
And right on cue, my dog would utter a deep, menacing growl and bare its teeth.
M.A.: Uh, I suddenly need to pee…Bye!!

On the other hand, when I meet a cute female acquaintance (C.F.A):
C.F.A.: Hi! Walking your dog?
Me: You have such a gift for stating the obvious.
C.F.A. (focusing on 'gift'): Oh, stop it. Such a cute doggie, though. What’s his name?
Me: I call him XP.
C.F.A.: XP? Why, does he crash just as often?
Me (wiping my tears after laughing uproariously): God, but you’re funny, too. No, XP as in Xtremely Pleasant doggie.
And right on cue, the dog would sit up to beg and then extend a paw to shake.
C.F.A. (shaking the paw): Oh, how sweet!! You have trained him so well.
Me (in an undertone): Yes, yes, all credit to me. You know, you’re an XP too (not in an undertone).
C.F.A.: Huh?
Me: Oh, you know, Xtremely Pretty.
And then, right on cue, unable to withstand the coolness (?) of it all any longer, she’d swoon right into my arms. We’d live happily ever after.

Me and the dog, that is.

>Think about it. In the Eyrie lives Varun X aka White Fang with his dog Xtreme Prejudice.


P.S. This post in an anachronism. For the benefit of those unfortunate ones who haven't yet acquired a prodigious vocabulary, such as mine, this basically means that the origin of this post is anomalously located on the temporal axis. If you still happen to be blinking, I recommend Word Power Made Easy by Norman Lewis. It is an excellent book. However, the following double couplet (for want of a better word) is perfectly synchronistic.

Today, I saw Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire,

He was brave, and fought through circumstances dire.

But this is not right, I must not be a liar,

In truth, I saw Emma Watson and burned with desire.